Look in my eyesssss, what do ya see?
Today went about as badly as it could have possibly gone, which still wasn't, overall, that badly, so unless it gets worse, this should be fun.
It started with my mile trek followed by CBus trip to the Megabus stop in the Arena District. Normally I wouldn't have cared about this, buuuuuut it turns out that the 2nd stop is at the goddamned Ohio Union and I was too dumb to read the fine print. Classic lawyering right there.
So I could have slept in, but instead was exhausted from still feeling slightly sick and weak from my weekend bout of boneitis, and was now sweating buckets and thought I was gonna die. And when I got on the bus it smelled like a toilet. Inquiring minds might say: well what did you expect with a bus? I've ridden NYC buses, NJ Chance It buses, NJ Transit trains, the NYC goddamned subway and Columbus public buses and never smelled anything like this hulking toilet on wheels.
And I had to spend 7 hours on that as our driver, after Febreezing the bus, told us our arrival time would be determined by God while fishing for Amens. And I saw a Creation Museum billboard on the way to Chicago. Fun times for an east coaster, I'll tell ya hwhat.
We eventually stopped in Indianapolis which looked more modern than I anticipated, even if Luca Oil Stadium looked like a giant warehouse. We also had a rest stop at an Arby's that somehow made me feel slightly sick again. How could you betray me, Arby's?
The funny thing is eventually you even get accustomed to a toilet smell after 7 hours. When we picked up new folk in Indy, they all came on and said the bus "needed a shower" or was "disgusting" or whatever but I didn't even notice anymore. Maybe I was consumed by the toilet smell. Maybe I was the toilet smell. Maybe we became each other.
Anyway, a few fever dreams of me being Booker T from WWE later, we finally were cutting through cornfields, windmills and peripheral Purdue campuses and got to Illinois and the central time zone. Yay.
Oh and I forgot this fun detail: about halfway through my sojourn through the great American subsidy, I realized I forgot my phone charger. This would be a minor detail, I thought, as it's a standard Android charger. Those should be easy to find. Our rest stop outside of Indy or "Nap Town" as Dennis the preaching chauffeur called it unironically, had a convenience store and it only had car chargers with the microUSB ending. Welp that's because people only have cars on the road out here, I wagered!
Eventually we got to Chicago and had to pull off to a side road to get off due to construction. I saw what I'm assuming is the Chicago flag but to me is CM Punk's trunks on a flag which is weird. Anyways, that pull off was actually good as it got me closer to the Blue line in the blistering 90 degree heat. I was sweating buckets again but at least I got underground a few steps more quickly.
I had no problem getting up to Wrigleyville since I'm a subway pro at this point (hey NYC, luv ya) and then things went off the rails again as the Cubs were playing tonight. There were drunks falling out of beergardens everywhere and in my infinite wisdom, I decided, with my backpack full of clothes and computer bag falling off my worn out shoulder, I'd try to find a charger now instead of rest for a little and check in. Boy am I stupid!
I wandered around without dinner for an hour going into multiple stores where nobody helped at all. I eventually asked a guy at an independent bookstore if there was a pharmacy as I explained to him that they probably have one. He was confused and told me of one, but by this point I gave in and checked in. I wagered that the hostel head might have one in a lost and found, but while they had a circa 1998 Palm Pilot charger (this hostel has been open 2 years), no microUSB. SIGHHHH. So I rested for an hour.
Nobody in the hostel room talked to anyone they didn't know but they did talk to the people they came with which ain't great for us that came by ourselves. Anyway, I think everyone else here is British but me. Ok. One looks like emaciated, brunette Becky Lynch. It's better than it sounds.
So I struck out for the Walgreen's the bookstore guy told me about and lo and behold, I found it. Problem was, the only charger I could find was a pre-lightning Apple charger. God dammit. This made no sense to me. I looked at the same shelf in a daze for about 20 minutes. This made less than no sense to me. Eventually I went to find someone who worked there and they hid all the current chargers in a clearance section by the register. God dammit again but at least I got it for cheap. And it's guaranteed for life. Ok.
Then I realized, hey, mission accomplished, but I walked a mile without dinner, still sick in 90 degree weather and I probably am gonna die! So I got a Gatorade and went to some cruddy pizza chain called Toppers. It was Donato's thickness of crust with better crust and was edible but I couldn't finish it and just pounded the Gatorade instead to fill me up.
I eventually made it back to my lower bunk bed where I've been ever since. The guy above me farted and I felt it through the sheets. This should be fun.
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