Eichel looks stoned
1. Edmonton-Connor McJesus.
Analysis: Even Edmonton isn't stupid enough to mess this up. Crosby 2.0
2. Buffalo-Jack Eichel.
Analysis: AMERICAN MADE COLLEGE HOCKEY BUCKAW
3. Phoenix-Dylan Strome.
Analysis: their forwards and defense and goalie stink but they at least have OEL on defense so hey let's get a forward
4. Toronto-Mitch Marner.
Analysis: Mark Hunter presumably likes the player he worked with. Though if he's as terrible a hockey mind as his brother Dale, that probably isn't a good thing. And Toronto's cursed so sorry Mitch.
5. Carolina-Noah Hanifin.
Analysis: People are saying Provorov may go here but those are pretty much only Canadians who only pay attention to juniors so they think the junior player was obvs better. See Eichel analysis.
6. New Jersey-Pavel Zacha.
Analysis: I'm a Devils fan and want Barzal I guess but the Devils and Czechs go together so good enough for me. I'm also the only Devils fan who doesn't mind Crouse but the Devils have no centers to pass it to him so
7. Philly-Provorov
Analysis: Philly has the most overpaid, bad defense I've seen in years. They need a defenseman. Provorov is a defenseman. That's why I get paid the big bucks.
8. Lumbus-Zach Werenski
Analysis: Columbus has a young, not very good defense. They need a defenseman. Werenski is the best defenseman left. So they take him.
9. San Jose-Lawson Crouse
Analysis: They lost their minds after their epic collapse against LA last year and haven't gained them back so they're gonna take the guy with high compete level and who'll be tough to play against and all that garbage. And he eats worms.
10. Colorado-Kyle Connor.
Analysis: The Avs haven't so much lost their minds and never grew one to begin with so I'm sure they'll do something dumb here like trade it for Milan Lucic. Not that it would take that much from the brain dead Bruins. So I'll just say who I think they should take and that's Kyle Connor, the AMERICAN SCORER. WOO USHL OH WAIT HE'S GONNA BE A WOLVERINE NOOOOOOOOOOO. TAKE MATT WEIS INSTEAD GO BUCKS
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